Female rage
February 17, 2015, 8:57 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Have you ever experienced female rage? As in F E M A L E  R A G E? As in piercing fierce penetrating eyes that say “I hate your fucking guts you untrustable egoistic piece of shit I wish I had never met you?” That kind of rage. The kind of rage that if eyes could kill you’d already be rotting in hell.

Two days ago I met it, again. It was as if all my good deeds, all our good memories, all my good qualities had no meaning no more. All that mattered was what I said two days before. And in front of me was female rage. Here eyes had blackened. The intensity in her stare felt as if the entire Balkan population stood right behind her and ready to bash my sorry ass. She has roots from the Balkans.

So what did I do? This time  marks a mile stone in my personal development because this time I didn’t succumb. I stood firm and received the rage. I didn’t try to comfort her. I didn’t take back what I had said. I received all her threats without reacting to them. Simply stood firm. Breathed down my belly and offered the rage to be.

What I had said was simply my truth, and I still stand by my word. Whatever the consequences, I knew I would not deny my truth.

So the rage passed but there was still intense animosity between us. But I still felt stable and true in my core. And I stayed there. Little by little I regained her trust simply by continuing to stay true to myself. By the the time evening came there was passion again.

One  of the things I really love about being in a relationship is that it offers opportunity to practice and grow. That’s also why I love the very first sutra of the Yoga Sutras – here, now is the time for practice. Everywhere, all the time. Practice is not simply when rolling out your yoga mat. On the contrary. All the time is time for practice.


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