Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: consciousness, direction, patience, trust
Unfortunately, this post (Patience) was never written (I just found a blank draft titled Patience dated November 28). I had some ideas about it in november but failed to write it down at the time. I really regret that..
This past fall offered a unique perspective on life.
The fall was characterised by the highest bliss and the deepest dismay. At the end of september I was in an accident which could have taken my life. I ended up in intensive care and only regained consciousness two days later, all wired up with IV and computers plugged in tracking everything. Once I woke up I hardly slept for five days. I myself have no recollection of the incident; only afterwards, little by little, I have put the pieces together in order to understand the rough sequence of events. I didn’t have a trauma because I was already not conscious.
My life litterally halted and I had to start from scratch. Didn’t know up or down, didn’t know what capacities I had and I had to figure out my direction in life anew. Small steps. Thus the idea to write about patience.
I was deeply amazed and touched by the incredible support that was mobilized. So many people around me showed their concern and offered support. Special gratitude to my close family and partner. Deep deep thanks. Stood up 100% for me, offering everything. I also feel loads of gratitude to those who supported my close ones. They were the ones traumatised while I was gone. Fuck I am grateful for all the beautiful people who supported them during those critical days and after.
I floated on clouds of gratitude for a couple of weeks after regaining some kind of basic strength. Gratitude for being alive and for all the beautiful people. Some time after this blissful gratitude faded and the stress of everyday life came over me.
The doctors can’t really explain why this happened to me, but in my intuition I understand the karmic logic in it. It spells Patience. It spells trust. At the time I wasn’t able to relax in trust, I wasn’t able to slow down. Thus.
Will I ever learn? I realised since that Patience is nothing you learn, but a practice to apply in every moment.
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