I didn’t
March 24, 2014, 9:25 pm
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“I didn’t transcend my ego. We became partners. We became team mates.”

- East Forest

I find this thoughtworthy so I wrote it down here so that I can contemplate it on my journey onwards.

If she had the courage to take one more step she would realise her misstake
February 16, 2014, 11:08 am
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“Min erfarenhet har lärt mig att en människa aldrig är så nära framgången som när det hon kallar “misslyckande” har kommit över henne. Det är nämligen vid sådana tillfällen som hon tvingas att tänka. Om hon tänker riktigt, och med ståndaktighet, upptäcker hon att det så kallade misslyckande sällan är mer än en signal på att utrusta sig med en ny plan eller ett nytt syfte. De flesta verkliga misslyckanden beror på begränsningar som människan föreställer sig i sitt eget sinne. Om hon hade modet att ta bara ännu ett steg skulle hon upptäcka sitt misstag.”

- Napoleon Hill

Don’t have the original quote, but one passage goes something like this: “…[then] she would realise that the so called failure is merely a signal to equip one self with a new plan or a new purpose. Most real failures derive from limitation in one’s mind. If she had the courage to take one more step, she would realise her mistake.”
I’ve been very low for a while now. Depression-like. Even small things feel difficult. Especially smiling and laughing at jokes etc. Most of the time I feel safe that this will pass; that I won’t feel like this forever. But most of the time I cannot see the purpose of it. What on earth might I learn from this? Reading Napoleon encourages me. It’s quite clear that those who have success in life learn from the mistakes and the difficult times. So there might come something good out of this afterall. I must try to rise and learn from this confusion, meaninglessness, lack of determination and direction, hurt and sorrow.
Yesterday I became aware that it is my ego. It is my ego that has taken over me completely. Dominating my consciousness and feelings with its jealousy and fears. It was cool to realise that. Kind of one step closer to coming out of it. I hope I will have more of those moments.

January 27, 2014, 10:09 pm
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Unfortunately, this post (Patience) was never written (I just found a blank draft titled Patience dated November 28). I had some ideas about it in november but failed to write it down at the time. I really regret that..

This past fall offered a unique perspective on life.

The fall was characterised by the highest bliss and the deepest dismay. At the end of september I was in an accident which could have taken my life. I ended up in intensive care and only regained consciousness two days later, all wired up with IV and computers plugged in tracking everything. Once I woke up I hardly slept for five days. I myself have no recollection of the incident; only afterwards, little by little, I have put the pieces together in order to understand the rough sequence of events. I didn’t have a trauma because I was already not conscious.

My life litterally halted and I had to start from scratch. Didn’t know up or down, didn’t know what capacities I had and I had to figure out my direction in life anew. Small steps. Thus the idea to write about patience.

I was deeply amazed and touched by the incredible support that was mobilized. So many people around me showed their concern and offered support. Special gratitude to my close family and partner. Deep deep thanks. Stood up 100% for me, offering everything. I also feel loads of gratitude to those who supported my close ones. They were the ones traumatised while I was gone. Fuck I am grateful for all the beautiful people who supported them during those critical days and after.

I floated on clouds of gratitude for a couple of weeks after regaining some kind of basic strength. Gratitude for being alive and for all the beautiful people. Some time after this blissful gratitude faded and the stress of everyday life came over me.

The doctors can’t really explain why this happened to me, but in my intuition I understand the karmic logic in it. It spells Patience. It spells trust. At the time I wasn’t able to relax in trust, I wasn’t able to slow down. Thus.

Will I ever learn? I realised since that Patience is nothing you learn, but a practice to apply in every moment.

If you don’t…
December 14, 2013, 7:16 pm
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“If you don’t take risks you won’t drink champagne.”

- Russian proverb

I heard this quote some fifteen years ago and it has been with me since. It’s inspired me. The question is, am I walking the talk? This is an angle of what I am currently going through and spending time contemplating: am I foolish to let go of this fairly interesting job of mine to do my own thing, or am I wimping out for not testing were my heart desire wants to take me? Hmmm. Well, it’s a matter of time. Now? Summer or end of 2014? Hmpf. The xmas break coming up will do me good, give me time to meditate and pray, hopefully get some clarity.

You’ll never know
November 29, 2013, 8:07 am
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“You’ll never know anything about where you’re going or who you are.”

- David Deida

Direction in life
November 28, 2013, 5:13 pm
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“For the masculine, your sense of purpose of mission, of knowing where you’re going in life, always takes presedence over women.

“You must know why your alive and where you’re going before you can give presence in intimacy.”

- David Deida

I feel a little bit dorky coming back to this. About the masculine purpose in life. At the end of the day, no one will remember who the fuck I am a hundred years from now. No one will care about my achievements. I really don’t want to take life too seriously and certainly not be too inspired by one philosophy.


This kind of statement really resonates with me and sheds light on my current confusions. As a man who can smell my mission. As a man who feels that if I invest another year or two in myself, if I take some risks, if I dare to expose myself, then I have a chance to really live my mission. Little by little walk my talk. Give my gift. As this man, knowing where I come from and where I am now, feeling all the achievements my efforts have brought so far; knowing that I want to give back to the world with my lightness, clarity, love and directionality. As this man, this kind of quote gives me inspiration to trust my intuition and keep exploring my mission.

Mmm. I feel so fucking blessed for all the gifts in my life!

Dissatisfaction – a sign of growth
November 28, 2013, 4:56 pm
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“The feeling of dissatisfaction is the feedback that your growing.”

“It’s a beautiful thing to become dissatisfied with your life because it means you’ve outgrown it.”

- David Deida


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